Week 1: Get Honest
What do you care about? What do you want? What do you give and get in relationships? This week, you'll assess, reflect, and build an honest inventory of where you're at — through a creative anchor project and your choice of three activities meant to help you practice the skills of honesty and self-awareness when it comes to your relationships.
How This Week Works
Each week of the Heart-to-Heart challenge has two parts: a flexible creative anchor project you'll build your way this week, and a menu of heartbeat activities you can pick from.
To complete Week 1 and enter the weekly raffle (winners selected June 3), do the following:
- Work on your own interpretation of the anchor project (described below) — this is your creative throughline for the week and can be done however feels right to you!
- Complete at least 3 activities from the Heartbeat Menu (below; click the title of each activity for instructions) — select whichever ones interest you most and make the most sense to your life right now. T
You can log your activities through the forms linked below all the way through 11:59pm CST on June 2, 2026, but remember -- a new week of activities releases on May 11! Work on the weeks that interest you most, or pace yourself throughout the month to maximize your chances of being selected for a raffle: for any week where you complete the anchor + three Heartbeat Menu activities, you're eligible to be one of 5 winners who receive a guide module, HG Membership, or HG merch. All drawings to be completed June 3; one prize per winner.
Personal Maintenance Manual
For your anchor project this week, create some form of an honest personal owner's manual for how you function in love, desire, and relationships — the you that you actually are right now, not as you wish you were.
Your manual should account for your real limits, your real strengths, and the real people in your life (or the real qualities you're looking for). Consider: what are your patterns, your defaults, your warning signs, your needs, and the things you tend to ignore until they become problems?
Suggested Forms
Anchor projects are meant to be creative and flexible - these are just suggestions, and any form that accomplishes the purpose described above is welcome. We encourage you to select something that you find fun + interesting AND that fits your current life capacity. Start small; you can always build it out more if you end up with extra time.
Day 1 (May 4): Map what nourishes you in relationships. Be specific.
Day 2 (May 5): Map what depletes you. Don't moralize — just observe.
Day 3 (May 6): Identify warning signs & repair protocols.
Day 4 (May 7): Pick your form and draft the minimum viable version.
Days 5–6 (May 8–9): Keep drafting. Stress-test: on a rough week, would this actually help?
Day 7 (May 10): Finalize and submit using the form below.
Many of this week's heartbeat activities can feed directly into your anchor project — feel free to re-use anything you write as part of the three items you pick from the below menu when you put your Personal Manual together.
When you're ready to submit an anchor project, click HERE and fill out the linked form.
Heartbeat Activities
Pick at least 3 from the menu below. Each offers multiple tracks — choose the one that fits how you engage best. Click on any activity below to expand the full instructions.
When you're ready to log an activity, click HERE and fill out the linked form. You can also log your activities via react in the Week 1 Discord forum (no need to use both!) - just make sure to use the same email when you use /h2h join on Discord as you do in any forms!
(Note: progress tracking on Discord does not currently record form submissions, but your submissions are being received and this functionality is coming soon!)
In this 4.5-minute video, HG Coach David talks about the "cope" his brain ran after a recent breakup — a logical story that was technically true but conveniently kept him from feeling something. After watching, you'll examine your own version of that pattern.
Watch the video. Think of a recent moment in love, desire, or relationships where you caught yourself running this kind of "cope" — a logical story that kept you from feeling something. Write down what you told yourself and what you think it was protecting you from. You don't have to dismantle it. Just identify it.
This week, when you notice yourself starting to "cope away" a feeling about love or relationships, pause and try the David line: "It makes sense that this hurts." Don't do anything else. Just see if letting the feeling exist for a moment changes how long it stays.
Share one belief your own "cope" seems to be protecting you from — you don't have to share the situation, just the feeling underneath. Read others' responses and react to the ones you recognize.
- Can't find any "cope"? Think of a situation where you "got over" something suspiciously fast. What story made that happen?
- Identifying it made you feel worse? That's the point — you can't heal what you don't feel. The feelings were already there.
- Self-compassion felt hollow? Some feelings take longer to thaw. The cope might be protecting you in a way you need right now. Come back to this one later.
Most people maintain dozens of small dishonesties in their relationships — not always lies exactly, just filtered versions of themselves. "I pretend I don't care when I do." "I say I'm fine with casual when I want more." Each one is tiny, but collectively they build a wall. This experiment starts with the smallest bricks.
Write down three small things you've been dishonest about — either to someone else, or to yourself, in a way that relates to love, desire, or relationships. Pick the smallest one and be honest about it to yourself in writing. You don't have to tell anyone. Just acknowledge the real truth for you.
Tell one person one truth you've been sitting on. Doesn't have to be dramatic — can be "gotta be honest, I don't like that restaurant" or "it's easier for me to stay in touch over text than calls." The muscle is the same regardless of the stakes.
Share at least one small way you've been dishonest to or about your relationships (can be vague). Read others' and react to ones you relate to.
- Can't think of any dishonesties? What would change if the people in your life could read your mind for 24 hours? The gap between what you think and what you say is where they live.
- Not ready to admit them? Start smaller. "I don't actually like coffee, I just drink it to seem normal" counts. The point is the muscle, not the weight.
- The truth you told backfired? That happens. The skill is knowing the difference between filtering for safety and filtering out of habit.
Art and the things we love are sometimes capable of showing honesty where we ourselves can't. The songs, books, and movies you adore can tell you things about your relationship to love, desire, and connection — or be used to communicate a feeling you can't quite put into words.
Create a 5–10 item playlist (songs, albums, podcasts, books, movies — any medium) that represents your current relationship to love, desire, or relationships. What does it capture about where you are right now? Could sharing one of these items be a way to communicate something you struggle to say directly?
Send one song, book, or movie recommendation to someone you're in relationship with, explaining why you think they should try it. It doesn't have to be deep — "this song always makes me happy, and I thought it might make you feel happy too" is plenty.
Share at least 3 items that represent your relationship to love, desire, or connection right now, with at least one sentence about what each captures. React to others' picks you recognize.
- Don't listen to music? Any medium works — books, movies, TikToks, memes, quotes. The format is irrelevant; the honesty is the point.
- Everything on your list feels sad? That's data, not a diagnosis. Any feeling is valid to capture through art.
- Can't explain why something is on the list? "I don't know why but it hits" is perfectly valid. Sometimes the emotional truth arrives before the words.
You're operating with beliefs about love, desire, and relationships that you didn't consciously choose — inherited from parents, breakups, movies, the internet. A belief audit surfaces the operating system so you can decide what to keep.
Write down 3–5 beliefs you hold about love, desire, or relationships. For each one, write where you think it came from. Then either indicate you want to keep it or rewrite it as the belief you'd rather hold — even if you don't fully believe the new version yet.
Pick one belief you suspect isn't serving you anymore. Over ~48 hours, notice when it shows up in your real interactions or thoughts. Don't try to change it yet — just catch it in action and note what triggered it and how often.
Share at least one belief you've discovered you're carrying, where it came from, and how you'd rewrite it. Read others' and react to beliefs you recognize in yourself.
- Can't think of beliefs? Finish these sentences: "Love is..." / "People who want me will..." / "I'll never be able to..." / "Relationships always..." Whatever comes out first is probably running in the background.
- All your beliefs feel true? They might be! The question isn't whether they're true — it's whether you chose them and whether you want to keep them.
- Writing the new belief felt fake? It's supposed to feel aspirational. You're setting a direction, not lying to yourself.
Many questions people ask each other are safe — the kind you could answer on autopilot. Good questions are about genuine curiosity, not obligation. They're what you ask because you actually want to know the answer, not because it's what you're "supposed" to say next.
Think of 3–5 different professions, experiences, or areas of expertise. For each one, write down a question you'd be genuinely curious to ask someone with that experience — something you'd actually want the answer to, not just a polite question.
Ask someone you know a question you've been genuinely curious about but never asked — something beyond small talk. Then follow up with a second question based on their answer instead of immediately sharing your own experience. Notice what happens when you stay curious for one extra beat.
Visit the AMAA (Ask Me Almost Anything) channel and ask at least one real question based on what someone shared — something specific you're actually curious about.
- Can't think of good questions? Good questions often start with "what" or "how" more than "why" (which can feel like interrogation). Compare: "Why did you do that?" vs. "What made you decide to try that?"
- Worried about asking the wrong thing? Most people are grateful when someone shows genuine interest. Trust them to hold their own boundaries.
- Person didn't respond? That's data too. The skill is in the asking, not the guarantee of an answer.
It's often easier to identify your emotional response to something than to determine the need underneath it. This exercise from HG Coach Allen uses a simple pattern: write out a dialogue between the "understanding part" of yourself and a part that's having an emotional reaction, where the understanding part can only ask: "Are you feeling X because your need for Y isn't being met?"
The trick is persistence. Allen says it usually takes three rounds before you get to the real answer. Possible Y values: Play, Sustenance, Understanding, Creativity, Belonging, Attention, Freedom, Meaning, Safety.
Pick a recent feeling about love, desire, or relationships. Run it through the Needs Decoder: write the dialogue, trying at least 3 rounds of "Are you feeling [X] because your need for [Y] is/isn't being met?" See where it lands.
The next time you notice a strong feeling coming up in conversation with someone close to you, use the Needs Decoder to pause and try to identify the need underneath before you respond. You don't have to say it out loud — just try to know what it is before you act on the feeling.
Share what one initial feeling was and what single-word need you found underneath it. Read others' responses and react where one resonates.
- The dialogue feels silly? Run through it anyway. The point isn't dignity — it's practicing finding the need behind the feeling.
- Can't get to a clear need? Try asking "Are you feeling this way because of a need you can't figure out?" If yes, that's information too.
Conversations have a shape, and most of us have never looked at one from the outside. This activity is about watching how curiosity shows up (or doesn't) in the way people actually talk to each other: Who asks the questions? Who does most of the telling? When someone shares something, does the other person follow up or pivot?
Watch or listen to at least 5 minutes of a recorded but non-scripted conversation — a talk show interview, a podcast, anything with two or more people actually talking. Track: how many questions does each person ask vs. how many statements do they make? Who carries the curiosity? Who redirects to themselves? Write down what you notice.
Turn the lens on your own conversations. Scroll back through a recent text thread or record yourself in a conversation (with permission). Count: who asked more questions? Who did more telling? Who followed up vs. redirected? Write down what you found and whether it surprised you.
Share what you observed about conversational patterns — either from watching a recorded conversation or analyzing your own. Available on Discord.
- Every conversation felt one-sided? Common, and not always bad! Note whether either person seemed to notice, or if it's a comfortable pattern.
- You're always the asker (or teller)? That's the whole point of observing before changing. You can't adjust a pattern you haven't seen yet.
- Your own numbers surprised you? This isn't a scorecard. Some relationships naturally have asymmetry. The question is whether the ratio is one you chose or one you fell into.
Live Events This Week
You can count one event as a heartbeat menu activity ("Learn," Community Track). Interact in the chat using a free account (no paid membership required) and/or share one thing you learned afterward via the form or in the Discord thread in order to log it done.
Body Image and Desire (Monday, May 4 + Recorded)
"We've created a world where you can observe hundreds of different physiques and body types each week, yet still remain unaware of your own body's needs and actions. You can scrutinize someone else's life and admire their progress, but when it comes to your own journey, it feels like guesswork. We're here to change that."
How Attachment Styles Impact Relationships (Friday, May 8, 5pm CT)
The rejection felt in childhood in our community can often contribute to the attachment style struggles that impact dating and relationships. This event discusses the intersection of attachment styles within queer communities. (Non-LGBTQ people are welcome to attend to learn about attachment styles.)
Senpai, Notice My Nervous System: Habits for Intimacy and Connection (Sunday, May 10 + Recorded)
"When stress is high, sleep is bad, confidence is low, or you feel disconnected from your own body, connection can start to feel way more complicated than it needs to be. You might overthink, shut down, avoid honesty, struggle with desire, or feel like you're trying to flirt while your brain has 37 tabs open and one of them is playing boss music. In this workshop, we'll talk about how simple health habits can support body confidence, emotional availability, desire, and deeper connection with yourself and others."