Escape the Limerence Trap 😵💫
Resources to help you understand overwhelming desire, and reclaim your emotions.
.png?width=1920&height=1080&name=Limerbeast%20(1).png "Limerbeast")
“I want you. I want you forever, now, yesterday, and always. Above all, I want you to want me. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I am not safe from your spell.”
- Dorothy Tennov
What is limerence?
Limerence is an unexpected, overwhelming, and intense experience that mimics the feeling of "being in love." Often unreciprocated, its impact can be debilitating, leading to significant emotional distress and negative outcomes.
This sudden, intrusive invasion of thought and feeling transforms a person in a Jekyll-and-Hyde-like fashion, leaving one completely at the mercy of the Limerbeast .
“At any moment, the image of your face smiling at me, of your voice telling me you care, or of your hand in mine, may suddenly fill my consciousness, rudely pushing out all else.”
- Dorothy Tennov
Why does it happen?
Limerence can be influenced by various factors, including attachment style and personality. Some research suggests potential connections or overlaps with behaviors associated with Anxious Attachment, OCD, and ADHD as well as other physiological implications.
Due to its complex physiological and psychological nature, Limerence is difficult to control. This obsessive invasion of your mind and body can lead to a disintegration of identity, intense anxiety, depression, and other conditions.
Tools for overcoming limerence
While limerence itself isn't a clinical diagnosis, the strategies used to manage related conditions can offer relief and guidance. The key is understanding how to recognize limerence as a cognitive construct, formed from a need. Once you uncover the reality in which your limerence experience is based, you'll be able to see the Limerbeast coming and redirect it away.
Here are some resources from Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health to help you better understand some of the core features of limerence and how you can put an end to this overwhelming obsession.
The "Anxious" Personality
Learn how your personality can actually develop to be prone to anxiety in this video about attachment theory and how our brains can be wired toward anxious attachment.
The Fantasy Trap
Understanding ADHD & Anxiety
Learn about the relationship between ADHD and anxiety. This video explores the neuroscience behind this relationship and explains why someone impacted by ADHD can find difficulty controlling negative emotions.
Meditation & Emotions
Learn a straightforward meditation technique to help relieve emotional energy. Emotions like anxiety or sadness can manifest physically, and this practice helps you identify and relax physical and emotional states.
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FAQs
How do I end a limerent episode?
There are a lot of ways a limerent episode can come to an end, often through rejection or finally getting close to the limerent object (LO). The problem is that limerence is in the mind, so it typically transfers to (or finds) a new LO.
You have to take a reality based approach and find the origin story for your limerence—who was that original limerent object, and what were your needs that went unmet? Pay close attention to your emotions and learn how to train your mind to recognize the signs of limerence unique to your situation.
Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health and our Coaching program are great resources to help you work through this.
If your limerence is being caused by more serious clinical conditions, our Mental Health Pack offers a vast repository of resources for finding help.
What are the most common signs of limerence?
Limerence can present in many forms, but the most common instances feature intrusive thinking, fantasy, overwhelming obsession, hypersensitivity to minor signals, anxiety, fear of rejection, and physiological changes.
How long does limerence last?
While every individual case of limerence is unique, it typically lasts 1-7 years. However, the important thing to understand about limerence is that it doesn't disappear after a limerent episode has ended—it usually transfers to a new limerent object (LO).
What's the difference between limerence and love?
While limerence is often compared to the feeling of "being in love," it's a trick of the mind rooted in fantasy, anxiety, and other psychological and physiological conditions. Additionally, limerence isn't always romantic, though when it is, those feelings are unrequited. If a person does develop a close relationship with their limerence object (LO), the limerence diminishes, usually transferring to a new LO.
Citations
- Bradbury, P., Bleakley, P., & Short, E. (2024). Limerence, Hidden Obsession, Fixation, and Rumination: A Scoping Review of Human Behaviour. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-024-09674-x
- Carswell, K. L., & Impett, E. A. (2021). What fuels passion? An integrative review of competing theories of romantic passion. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 15(8), e12629. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12629
- Lopez-Fernandez O, Williams AJ, Griffiths MD and Kuss DJ (2019) Female Gaming, Gaming Addiction, and the Role of Women Within Gaming Culture: A Narrative Literature Review. Front. Psychiatry 10:454. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00454
- Tennov, Dorothy. Love and Limerence: the experience of being in love. New York City, Stein and Day, 1979.
- Willmott, L., & Bentley, E. (2015). Exploring the lived-experience of limerence: A journey toward authenticity. The Qualitative Report, 20(1), 20-38. Retrieved from http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR20/1/willmott2.pdf
- Wyant, B. E. (2021). Treatment of Limerence Using a Cognitive Behavioral Approach: A Case Study. Journal of Patient Experience, 8, 1-7.